Project 40.01.11

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Thanks to this site for the amazing photo.

Origins of this project can be read here.

At the beginning of Day 11, as I was falling asleep (my days go from 10:30pm-10:30pm because I like to write at night and start my days with rest), I had a realization of something someone else needs to confess to me. On Monday, I’m going to find a therapist within my insurance network to discuss this with. At the end of Day 11, I felt lighter and as if a big weight had been lifted from me. Knowing really IS half the battle.

A hummingbird positioned herself such that we could not miss her. We watched her feed off of star jasmine for a few minutes and even got to see her be still for a moment or two. It was very sweet.
Also, a dragonfly flew by. The Medicine Card explanation of Hummingbird is all about finding the sweet nectar of life. Dragonfly’s message is:

Dragonfly is the essence of the winds of change, the messages of wisdom and enlightenment, and the communications from the elemental world…On the psychological level, it may be time to break down the illusions you have held that restrict your actions or ideas…Dragonfly medicine always beckons you to seek out the parts of your habits which you need to change.

I allowed myself to rest when I felt tired. I stretched a little bit.

Vice: I ordered a cappuccino.
Virtue: They didn’t have espresso, offered me coffee, I chose tea.

So much wounded-ness has been freed in today’s realization. Which is kind of contrary to what I thought would happen. I’m hopeful for tomorrow and every tomorrow after.

I’m not sure if this counts as inspiration but remembering Faith No More’s album The Real Thing was a great support to me this morning. I found resonance in Falling to Pieces. For the record, I like Mike Patton WAY more than Anthony Kedis but Flea will probably always be my favorite bassist, actually ANY band member.


Back and forth, I sway with the wind
Resolution slips away again
Right through my fingers, back into my heart
Where it’s out of reach and it’s in the dark
Sometimes I think I’m blind
Or I may be just paralyzed
Because the plot thickens every day
And the pieces of my puzzle keep crumblin’ away
But I know, there’s a picture beneath
Indecision clouds my vision
No one listens…
Because I’m somewhere in between
My love and my agony
You see, I’m somewhere in between
My life is falling to pieces
Somebody put me together
Layin’ face down on the ground
My fingers in my ears to block the sound
My eyes shut tight to avoid the sight
Anticipating the end, losing the will to fight
Droplets of “yes” and “no”
In an ocean of “maybe”
From the bottom, it looks like a steep incline
From the top, another downhill slope of mine
But I know, the equilibrium’s there
Indecision clouds my vision
No one listens
Because I’m somewhere in between
My love and my agony
You see, I’m somewhere in between
My life is falling to pieces
Somebody put me together

Then, just at the end of the day, we watched The Secret World of Arrietty and it was very uplifting and sweet and inspiring and reminded me of what it was like in the happy moments I had as a little kid.

I washed dishes and got my morning started before going to bed so as to help my morning routine happen more smoothly.

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1 Response to “Project 40.01.11”

  1. Project 40.01.14 at Adriene Crimson

    […] has come to me to let me know that my realization on Saturday is the best offering to the gods I can make right now. I am definitely offering it up by looking […]