You raise my hopes, then you raise the odds.
You tell me that I dream to much

…from a The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove on Into the Labyrinth by Dead Can Dance.

The next thing to come from my mouth were incredible sobs. Heart-center-wringing sobs in a repeated rhythm every half second. I witnessed the whole process without much, if any, attachment to what was happening. There were no thoughts or feelings associated with the sobs. I went to my bed and screamed into my pillow over and over – the tears burned my eyes.

My dad taught me “Primal Scream Therapy” when I was a kid. He’d pick me up from the airport when I’d come for a visit and once in the cab of his red pick up truck (with his hand-made fiberglass trailer complete with woodstove, urinal, cooler and full-size murphy bed) he’d say “Enie, let me hear you scream.” He’d listen to me scream and then tell me to do it louder, which I would. This “conversation” lasted for as long as it took for me to scream with all of my body. I always felt a little high and VERY relaxed after those “therapy” sessions. He liked to tell me about this process when I was older and he’d describe how I’d arrive tense and uptight and after a few minutes of “PST” I’d be bouncy and happy-go-lucky again.

When I was just finishing college at MUM, I was given a beautiful jyotish quality pearl because it was recommended that I wear a pearl to support my moon and give me more emotional balance. When I put it on I screamed at the person I was sharing a house and car with, with such vigor that hot, burny tears came from my eyes and I was relatively disassociated with the feelings. The pearl allowed me to release what I’d had pent up inside me that was bothering me. I felt amazing after that “conversation.”

These three things are connected by the moon. The full moon was two nights ago at 1:40am. It is the Worm, Wind or Death Moon, among others in different cultures (these are Native American, Celtic and Pagan, respectively). I just within this last moon time, I spent 8 days diving under waves in the Caribbean Ocean, the most time I’ve spent in the ocean in 4 years (that’s one Leap Cycle!) if not longer. I’ve been cleansed by the Ocean and the moon. I’ve released my lack of commitment to being on Gaia and accepted a commitment to watch over and support another being on this planet. And with that commitment comes a renewed and strengthened commitment to doing all I can to support our planet.

This is the song that inspired all of this. Enjoy. It’s a masterpiece.

If you don’t see an embedded player (flash = boo!), click this link to listen to it on grooveshark.

while I sit here
I chew on what you said
that last time we spoke
in words
concurrently
I masticate a delicious salad
made of only things good for me

now that I’ve chewed it completely
I’d say that conversation was
made of only things good for me
I will absorb the nutrients
of what you said
and it will allow me growth

In researching the symbology, I discovered this amazing photo.

It is not commonly known that the fluttering wings of the hummingbird move in the pattern of an infinity symbol – further solidifying their symbolism of eternity, continuity, and infinity.

And regarding Merkabah:

Merkaba, also spelled Merkabah, is the divine light vehicle allegedly used by ascended masters to connect with and reach those in tune with the higher realms. “Mer” means Light. “Ka” means Spirit. “Ba” means Body. Mer-Ka-Ba means the spirit/body surrounded by counter-rotating fields of light, (wheels within wheels), spirals of energy as in DNA, which transports spirit/body from one dimension to another.

View from the kitchen window

View from the living room

The happy couple

saying goodbye to Pt Reyes

Since then, Shanny has surprised me with many presents delivered in unexpected ways, as well as an awesome surprise bday dinner. However, nothing comes close to what he just did for our 5 year anniversary last Sunday.

Rewind a few months to me getting a new job in a building with a jewelry store on the ground floor. I spied a beautiful bracelet in the window that looks like a silver octopus wrapped around the wrist and I fell in love.
We went to our weekly dinner party with our friends & when I brought up the jewelry store, Jim said “Oh, they have the most amazing octopus bracelet in the window!” and I said “yes, that’s what I was going to say!”
Every morning I would say hello to the bracelet on my way up to work and one day I saw it was missing and my heart sunk. I went in to ask about it and asked if they were going to get another. She wasn’t sure but took my name and number. I told her “I just hope that whoever bought it is really excited about it.” She gave me a big grin and said “yes, the woman who got it is very happy about it” and I left thinking I would HAVE to get it right away if they get another.

Okay, back to last Sunday. We decided we wanted to go to the restaurant Gary Danko since we couldn’t pull off a weekend away, like we usually do. We joked that we were saving money this way (it’s known to rack up quite an impressive bill for a restaurant, which is why this is a joke, tho, actually quite true). Dinner was delicious* & we had a wonderful time basking in their excellent service. Just before dessert, a staff member brings out a special covered dish with rose petals under the lid, puts it in front of me & says “here’s a little something special before dessert.” I was stunned (sorry, no photo – I was overwhelmed), shy & excited when I lifted the lid to discover a box wrapped in white paper with a little black 5 on it. I turned it over and there was Shan’s note “i <3 u" I gave him a big hug then, I think, tho, it's all a bit of a blur.
I opened the box to discover the coveted octopus bracelet!

I know I gave him a big hug at this point and then showed our waiter who couldn't tell just what it is.
When I visited the bathroom (where I got to polish my boots!) I took this picture:

I am a very lucky girl. ♥

——-
* For foodies, here’s what we had:
We let them choose the wine to come with each course and I asked about not having a full glass with each of our 4 courses “because I can’t drink that much wine”. The waiter was very flexible and poured me a 1-2oz taste of each pairing and only charged me for two glasses, which was super awesome.

Amuse bouche
delicious lobster bisque w/ bits of fennel & peppers in a shallow bowl w/ an awkward spoon. I love it when the amuse is a soup served in a little cup so it’s easy to eat.
We both had a glass of bubbles, loved our own but didn’t care for each others’ choice. And that’s okay by me!

Appetizers
I had: a salad of dungeness crab, avocado, pink grapefruit, frisee & little bits of red pepper. It was delicious especially when I had a bite with all of the above items together. I LOVED my wine pairing (but forget what they all were – oops)
Shan had: pumpkin soup with dungeness crab and delicious little herbed biscuits. The crab and biscuits came out in the bowl and then the waiter poured the soup over them – deelish. He loved the viognier they served him to go with as it was a perfect fit.

Fish Course
I had: scallops that were almost cooked perfectly. I like them soft in the middle but these were probably seared for 30 seconds to long for that. They tasted great but one of the scallops was a little gritty, which I’ve never experienced before. I loved my wine pairing with this dish as well.
Shan had: lobster in a curry sauce that he thought was delicious. Another win with the wine pairing; he was served a local chardonnay.

Entree
I had: beef filet w/ some kind of marmelade and a flavored butter – it was perfect and I ate the whole thing. The filet was cooked exactly how I like it. I did find it strange that I wasn’t given a steak knife tho – my butter knife worked fine but I did have to make more effort than I wanted to. I wasn’t so into the wine pairing this time – kinda sour & too tannic.
Shan had: guinea hen breast with some amazing sausage & delicious potatoes and cabbage. He enjoyed the pinot noir they paired with this dish.

Dessert
I had: roasted pears with gingerbread and nutmeg ice cream. The pears were good but the gingerbread wasn’t spicy enough and was a little dry. The ice cream had some dry, flavorless coating on it and had minimal flavor itself. The wine pairing was my least favorite and I LOVE dessert wine, so that was a bit of a let down.
Shan had: chocolate torte that he refers to as a “snooze fest” of flavors. The shell was flavorless and the chocolate was rather mild. This time the wine pairing fell flat for both of us as he didn’t care for the “boring” porto they served.
BUT, they did send out a cute little citrus mousse cake for our anniversary, that was light and lovely, not amazing, but it made up for the others.